Haven't Done This In A While

I can't do this anymore.
I'm already feeling that
I'm not achieving any of
the goals I have set for myself.

                          So many places I want to travel to.
                          And no job to provide me the funds to do so.

What a life I would've made for myself.
Cafe brunches. Moonlit dinners. Dancing. Laughing.

And look at me now.
        No steady work. No published work. No night life.
                                  Am I all to blame?
                         Is it that I'm not trying hard enough?
                         Or was this all preordained? Written in the stars
                                                                       centuries ago by the
                                                                       almighty God(s) perched
                                                                       on a golden throne?

Destined to a destiny of destitution.
      And now I'm holding on to something that I don't want to let          go of.
I've already gone all for broke. It's either all or nothing
                                                 with you.

    Can't move on if we don't let go.

Tears roll off my eye lids as I think of things to say.
I never envisioned myself to be a person filled with luck.
Prayers seem to fall on deaf ears and deceitfulness reigns
supreme, bringing about pain and heartache.
Dreams are caught in a rapture of their own, never to be
realized, but only an apparition during an unconscious slumber.

How much more am I to give?
When does sacrifice become a vengeful crime?
Where does suffering end and the healing begin?

My color-stained single paned glass heart
                         has
                     shattered.

I had a dream a few nights ago...

...that led to the birth of an idea for a story. It was set in this steam-punk world in a distant future where terminators, surrogates, rebel groups and androids and bio-mechanical engineered bad-asses with J-Pop tendencies...

"We lived in a time when the world had morphed into something no one expected it to be. By the year 2115, things here (in the US) had begun to advance. Maybe too quickly. We humans had accepted inventions and additions to daily life like the hover-mobile and the auto-tron systems in the work place which essentially was the automated voice response of the early 2000's but of a more sophisticated caliber."